I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry about my life...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
