now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do vagina's smell?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
