Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
