think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
