Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
