went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
