you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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