I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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