Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
