I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
