Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
