Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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