theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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