:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize