You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
