Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I met the friendliest cop last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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