Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
