It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
