im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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