I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
