you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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