i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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