wake up i wanna do it froggy style
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
