i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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