I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
