I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
