Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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