Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
