Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
