The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas