You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all