Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.