mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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