p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.