Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.