I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
wow bdsm is so cute