So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.