I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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