I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
