Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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