Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
