you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
