idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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