just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
