By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
