going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
