The maid of honor just puked.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Randomize
