I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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