I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
