you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
