You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
