after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
