Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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