I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
