a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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