Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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