If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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