u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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