I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
