I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
