i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
