Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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