Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
