The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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